It is difficult sometimes to determine if your actions are right, and to stand firm, or to question your thoughts and bow down. I mean, what if in my pride I do not listen to others and I follow my beliefs only to be wrong...but on the other hand, what if I ignore the concerned voices around me and tamp down my people pleasing instincts to follow a softer voice I believe to be my God. And what if in doing so I look crazy to this world, but my obedience and perseverance pleases my Lord? So is there really any choice...because I will choose God.
In 1998, I became pregnant with my second child. A friend told me about home births, and I thought she just got off the bus from a loony farm. Why would any human being in today's society choose to have a home birth without God given beautiful drugs. Crazy! I was a relatively new Christian...still on milk really. But I heard this voice say, "I want you to have a home birth Amy...and trust in me." I didn't hear this voice out loud, I felt it really, and immediately my spirit went into rebellion mode. No way dude...God, your insane. Then I decided it wasn't God, it was Satan...but only for a sec because I knew who it was. I sighed and answered back in prayer, "You ll have to show me a sign, because in order to do something like that I'll have to go up against my entire family. It will not be pretty. They might put me in a padded room or something." I did not share this dialog with anyone.
The next morning, I got a package in the mail. It was mailed by a lady four days prior that I met briefly the week before through a neighbor. It was a book on Zion births, home births. Inside was a note that said, I don't know why, but God told me to mail this to you. I just sat down straight on the ground in shock. "Holy Crap!"
Yes, I said that. I took a deep breath and said yes to God.
That was an intense battle those nine months. I say battle because it was an all out war. My family was terrified for me, and I had to learn some scripture and grow in the Lord to support the decision I made and prove I wasn't crazy. It was a wonderful birth, and God was glorified through it. I did not have my third child at home, and when asked why, I explained God never confirmed I was supposed to. So I didn't. I had him in the hospital and it was a good thing too, their were mild complications.
I did not understand until this season of my life that God has been preparing me for over ten years for this season. I have made some decisions to live in a neighborhood that is one of the worst streets in Woodlawn...prayed about and confirmed. I married someone that as it turns out will be in prison for two years. Prayed about and confirmed. And through it all, I feel like a yo yo pulled back and forth between my families fear and concern and my own belief that I am right where I am supposed to be. Because I have been straddling the fence on trying to make everyone happy , I have been making myself tired and overworked mentally and physically. So I am pulling back. I trusted God to take care of me and my baby when I chose to follow his will ten years ago. I am going to choose now to follow His will again...and listen to His voice, not others fear. He prepared me ten years ago to be able to do this. To love my family but walk the walk I am called to. Even if it doesn't look like the walk everyone else thinks I should be walking. Even if it doesn't look like a pretty picture or a happy ending. I need to trust God, that He knows what He is doing here.
To stand against persecution is scary...unless the strength you stand with is not your own...but His.
Finding Freedom in Christ
Amy Moore
God does not place people into bondage. If you want a true picture of God, find Elihu in Job and see what his wisdom did for Job. We have free will. If we are in bondage, it is a consequence of our decisions, not some test of God's. Implying otherwise is to insinuate that you are some martyr who has been chosen by God to endure great hardship merely for his glory. It is the other way around. You will endure hardship, ESPECIALLY when you go your own way --- SIN. When you are enduring the consequence (prison, etc.) of YOUR decisions, you SHOULD find your faith and praise God in your tranformation. I speak truth.
ReplyDeleteSo, do you think everyone in the bible that was imprisoned was suffering consequences for their sins? Do you think everyone in prison is guilty? This blog was not about whether someone is innocent or guilty...or trying to acheive martyrism. It is a blog to encourage others that even through trials and tribulations...and even when it seems everything in your world is destroyed, you can find a thread of hope and understanding through God. I see people every day in bondage...and yes from their free will. Some without bars. I see people hurting and needing God. I am encouraged myself that even when the world seems dark He is there to lift you up. Praise be to His name and to His glory.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has sinned a lot in my life and live now fruitfully under the umbrella of grace, I am saddened by your defensiveness. You apparently are a young Christian who is still working on your faith, and I commend that. However, you are stating things that aren't Biblical when you talk about how God has placed you here or placed your husband there, how God has been preparing you for this journey, etc. God has always been there watching you and knowing what your next step would be. However, you have chosen each of those steps, either carefully or without much consideration, regardless, they are YOUR steps. It is irrelevant if the people imprisoned in the Bible were there of their own sins. Your husband apparently did something terrible to this little girl, terrible enough to hide it from the people around him and run from it. His story isn't unlike many others. People sin all the time and get caught. But, before they get caught, they try to run and hide from shame. He isn't any more special than those other people. Maybe he is more accepting of God's forgiveness and has humbled himself from this experience, but he isn't to be considered any higher or more special than any other human being. He isn't imprisoned in chains by Christ, through Christ, for Christ, or by any other means than his own choices. I am sorry for your family and your children. I am sorry that you have placed your faith in a human who has failed you. From what I know about you and what I have read, you sound like a woman who really means the best, but I think you are blinded by false prophets. I think you are twisting what God has said and making it out to be something that it isn't. You sound as though you might want some sort of recognition for your "walk" with the Lord, and that isn't humility. I am praying for you and your family. I am also praying that you and your husband find peace and have clarity in the Word, not to your advantage, but to your revelation of the truth.
ReplyDeleteI am a young christian. I do not have all the answers. I will be growing in my walk until the day I die. Obviously you are someone that knows me, but you do not feel comfortable enough to talk to me in person. I wonder at your judgements about us. We have never said we think we are more special than anyone, or that we think we hear from God and others do not. We never asked anyone for special recognition nor do we want it. We are simply trying to follow what we beleive God wants in our life and encourage others as well. I think your comments are awfully assumptuous and hurtful, and judgmental. How does this encourage and grow anyone, including us?
ReplyDeleteAs far as being in Chains for Christ, Im not sure how to comment on that. It was a way he signed his letters, and it brought him comfort and maybe a little purpose to his life. He certainly didn't intend to glorify himself. His life is in servitude to his Lord...and in his eyes, he is accepting his role.
As far as the comment about his "something awful to this little girl", I am not going to comment. You have already judge and juried him without any information. That saddens me.
I will say I do not mean to be defensive. I will reflect on some of the things you have mentioned, especially humility. I beleive we have blind spots, and I try to be aware of those in my life. Something to think about anyway.
ReplyDelete